Forgave my controlling/abusive family , But now it just feels strange ?

Question by : Forgave my controlling/abusive family , But now it just feels strange ?
I am 28 years old. I got the hell out of a highly dysfunctional family about 2 years ago and drove 2,000 miles out of state to the south. When I say Highly , I mean highly. My father is a racist. Never respected anyone, Don’t appreciate or thanks anyone. Always acts like a kid . Expects me to care for him (Still) after years and years of physical/emotional trauma which I am working through.
My mother always try to get the family members against each other and use words to get them to have a animosity against each other , mainly through comparisons after comparisons.
My brother , although tried to help me when i lost my job , is still a very inconsiderate and disrespectful guy. He looks down on me, talks to me like I am nothing if things doesn’t go his way. I can see his future already. The same cycle that goes on with my parents x 10.

I spend my middle school days and high school days in terror of these people. I spend most of my college years in isolation and deep depression, until I started reading up on materials on abuse and how it cripples a human being. Now I am better , Not completely, But I am getting there. I am starting to make some few healthy friends and I am in control of my addictions.(most of it atleast)

Recently , Since I started talking to my parents ,My brother has been helping me with a computer job and I thought Oh that’s nice he wants to help me. But I think it was a big mistake on my part because it seems like , He’s more like doing things to look good infront of other people than really trying to help me.

Here’s an example : My brother flew me in to NY for an interview. I went along with it because I thought Ok, I guess he really wants to help. When i got here, I talked to my cousin about setting up a “mock interview” . My brother came to find out about this and confronted me like in a attacking manner which brought me back memories . He started asking me questions like – ” Why did you set up an interview with him, He’s not technical , He’s only business( I told him , yea I know that ) but he kept on interrogating me as if I am some kind of idiot who doesn’t know difference between A and Z. Also another thing that caught my attention was when he said ” if you let him help you, he’s gonna keep talking about it all his life” and also how everything was HIS IDEA( my bros) .
I was like WTF! So it is all about control then. am I wrong to think that??

The return date is November 20th. Should I get the hell back before that? Because I don’t feel comfortable here . My insenstive father ( who tried to kill me 2 years ago and I took him to court)
is giving me cold shoulders and getting mad ( literally ) why I don’t call him every day! It’s the twilight zone here!

What the hell was I thinking when I forgave them ? I am upset because I have a set a new standard for my life , altogether. I want to be around ” healthy ” people and want to lead a highly healthy life for the rest of my life. With my parents in my life, I hate to say this, I don’t see that happening. No I am serious. I know it sucks. But it’s just not happening. I don’t even want my kids to around these people.

What do I do ? I am sick of these people who suck the energy out of my life. ! !
Should I end this and go back ? Interview is supposed to be tommorow. I dn’t even feel like going for it anymore.

Best answer:

Answer by Marjorie Williams
I am from the firm belief that misery loves company just so they can make them as miserable. You sound like an intelligent enough person to know what makes you happy as well as what kind of life you want to have.

Take comfort in knowing there are many dysfunctional families and the best thing in this type of situation a person can do is to break the cycle. You are not happy when they are around you but you probably don’t want to slam the door in their face either, so be good to yourself, get your life together, and politely tell them you are going back because you are happy there.

Maybe someday in the future things can be better between you and your family, but the important thing now is to get yourself together for your own sake.

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